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Sunday, 16 May 2010
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so kyle and i broke up.. it freaking sucks.. im not counting on him being able to read this..
i am really affected by this.. i really feel like it is all my fault.. =(
i just feel like crying and i really really wanna start cutting again.. as unhealthy as that is..
i need an out for this.. i dont wanna keep it all in but i need to be strong.. i dont wanna seem weak..
and thats all i look around him.. we're trying to be friends.. and i still want to be with him so it doesnt really work..
i dont wanna have sex with some other guy i want kyle.. i get soo confused on this too.. one minute he's acting like he wants to be with me by cuddling and holding me.. and the next he is on the phone talking about girls and shit with his friend.. like he was never like this and it hurts.. like damn i must've mad him real unhappy.. i just want it to go back to the way it was.. and right now i really dont think it ever will.. =(
Thursday, 26 November 2009
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1st snow of the season..
so today started pretty good.. i didnt have to work so that was a major plus.. had a woc appointment this morning.. so i did that then we came to here (to kyle's) and stayed for a little bit then got on the road to get the shit to make my thanksgiving pies.. all were homemade except the cherry one.. but yeh they all turned out so pretty.. katrina was with mikes mom.. i took kyle to illinois to get tobacco and katie came with.. we picked up katrina on the way.. they both fell asleep.. so we came back to my house and katie and i were making a banana cream cheesecake for our friend josh so we left to get the ingredients for that.. kyle left to go with ricky and they picked up his x-box to play at my house.. which was cool.. then all the shit happens and my mom and dad come home.. i could tell by the way my mom pushed the door open that she was drunk and immediately thought oh great again... so she sees that my sister is over again and starts talking to her about stuffing and how she thought that jackie was gonna come over to learn how to make it and my sister was like well dont you buy the chicken broth, stuffing and all that at the store? im like yeah but you brown meat and put it all together.. my mom totally takes it the wrong way and starts tripping out and getting into it with my sister and jackie is like im just asking a question and ur flipping out.. my mom keeps walking back and forth into the living room.. saying stupid shit like "oh i didnt kno you guys were still playing that on this tv..and well if you mess up the tv you can just buy a new one.." acting like they are always over playing on our tv when they are like never over.. really not that big of a deal.. she kept like walking in there and all that im like wtf is she doing.. she got into again with my sister and made a drink as if she needed another.. went downstairs and i guess tried to turn on the tv down there and it didnt work for her or something so she came up and told kyle & ricky that the tv inthe basement wasn't working and since it was her house she wanted the living room and they could hook it up in the basement.. so they left the living room.. which they woulda done in the first place if she woulda asked.. kyle goes in there to get his computer and she starts arguing with him for no reason so they are going at it.. they start yelling and all this and meanwhile my 3 yr is still awake.. i dont like her seeing all the arguing and fighting.. they are like screaming at each other.. so im putting my hands over katrinas ears and pulling her to my room.. i go in by my dad and ask him to come stop her from doing it.. and im like crying cuz she always does this when they go out.. its rediculous.. their argument is getting more and more heated and my mom is screaming at him to get out.. and all this she calls the cops in her drunk state.. im like fuck this.. im leaving too i dont wanna be around her.. so im in my room getting my shit together and my mom looks at me and says ur not taking her... shes not leaving.. i said umm yes she is she is MY daughter she is coming with me.. im packing all my shit.. cuz i dont wanna be around her while she is like that.. jackie said shes not going to thanksgiving tomorrow.. so im not going either.. i hope my mom calls and asks where i am.. and it totally sucks cuz i LOVE thanksgiving all the food and everything.. but i wanna prove a point that im not coming home until she can admit she has a problem and will get help.. cuz seriously she wonders why me and jackie dont wanna live there anymore.. its cuz of her and her drinking.. probably also cuz she blames us for everything.. its gonna eat her alive not seeing katrina but im straight on having my daughter around her.. but i dunno where we are gonna go.. we cant stay at kyle's for long theres no room for us.. so i dont kno..
Monday, 07 September 2009
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Currently
Twilight Soundtrack
see relatedso my family is currently driving me nuts.. dinner was ruined.. cuz of the way my parents made it.. i was uber excited for my dads beans cuz they are soo yummy.. so i put a bunch on my plate..i try them and they are spicy.. he put some japanese chili sauce in them making them hot.. i was pissed.. i woulda maxed the heck outta them.. then my mom makes burgers and put mushrooms in them.. i hate muchrooms.. the only good part was the corn on the cob.. then my moms lighter comes up missing.. and she has to ask everyone if they have it.. i kno i didnt take it.. but my sister of course likes to take things.. now i dont know if she took it or not... then my mom is asking everyone if they took my dads hydrocodones and all his other pain meds.. i kno me and kyle didnt take them and of course jackie says she didn't.. and i swear to god if she gets drunk and accuses me or kyle of taking them i will snap the fuck off on her.. im tired of her thinking that me or kyle are taking shyt.. like hello i dont need to take shyt from you i got my own.. or i can get my own... i realize i kinds sound irrtated.. i dunno why i am.. my mom smokes weed like kyle but she calls it smoke.. drives me nuts.. my mom period drives me nuts.. i wish i had a good job where i didnt have to live here anymore and didnt have to have my daughter around my mom.. cuz when i am gone katrina will not be around my mom even half as much as she is now.. wow.. sorry for the venting post..
Wednesday, 02 September 2009
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My Mother...
my mother is driving me absolutely insane.. in just about every aspect of my life.. i cannot wait to get the hell outta here and be away from her.. she is a drunk bitch.. like literally she drinks anywhere form 6 to 12 beers a night..thats also with a few mixed drinks or wine.. she takes mine and my sister's alcohol also.. i get that we are underaged but we pay for that shyt out of our own pockets... so she owes me a bottle of absolut vanilla and a bottle of smirnoff and she's woundering why im not paying her back for the candlelight shyt... when it comes to katrina she's starting to drive me bonkers too.. i hate that she thinks that katrina needs her when she cries.. she needs me her MOM not her grandmother.. i hate that she calls katrina nani's girl.. no she's mine.. she's my child and i cannot wait to get her away from my mother's influence.. she's like OCD about cleaning.. like if i make breakfast then take a shower expecting to clean up my breakfast mess after it would be clean.. she thinks that shyt needs to be done like right away when it can clearly wait.. ugh...
i've been reading alot of fan fiction on http://www.thetwilightsaga.com and alot of them are really good.. i like how ppl put takes on how the cullens lives carry on after breaking dawn.. like adopting and how jake and renesmee become more of a couple.. i love it.. i really hope stephenie meyer finishes midnight sun.. all of her fans would love it.. i'd personally enjoy seeing her write more about the other cullens and their backgrounds.. we really dont kno that much about emmett. also seeing how she thinks jake and renesmee would be together when she's older..
i finally got my labtop =) its pink.. im excited.. and i bought my books for school.. i start next thursday.. hoping i dont gotta carry the big ass like 3 inch thick book with.. its a medical dictionary.. lol
Tuesday, 04 August 2009
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so we finally went and got Katrina's pictures professionally taken.. they turned out soo cute.. and im soo happy that she actually smiled for them.. but they got her to smile by making a rubber duck fall off the photographers head it was cute..
KatrinasMommy
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- Name: Jessika
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 10/27/2008
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About Me
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im a teen mommy.. i go to college full time and have two part time jobs to support me and my daughter.. i just turned 19.. Katrina is about to be 2 yrs old.. her daddy doesn't help me out much but my boyfriend is a huge help with her.. i love them both very much.. i dunno where i would be without them..
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soo happy with life and the husband and daughter <3
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sooo full from thanksgiving..
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i need to write on here.. ugh.. i need time!!
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